I'm a selfish being

I'm a selfish being

Matthew 16:24-25
Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever loses his life for me will find it.

Luke 14:26-27
"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothersand sisters-yes, even his own life-he cannot be my disciple. And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.

These verses kept ringing in my head for the past few days. Dying to self? Even with a change of personality so as to allow Him to use me for a greater purpose.
It suddenly became crystal clear to me that my former thinking was so so so selfish. Totally embedded in a world of my own and refusal to budge. How gross.

***
This particular incident in school made me realise how I could have channelled my energy and brain cells to better uses.

On thursday, my group endevour service learning group (GESL) met up to finalise on our project proposal. The leader of our team put forward a new idea and he suggested that we could go over to Batam to help the fishing village there with their livlihood. As he already had contacts with the appropriate people in-charge and with his persuasive character, he managed to get a swopping 9 votes for his proposal. The other contending project pertaining to children's aid society received 10 votes altogether.

The situation caused unhappiness among a few Batam supportors and there was this effort of trying to sway votes. At that point in time, a malay girl asked who were the ten people who voted for the children's aid proposal and she asked them to OWN UP. I was quite displeased with what she said. What's wrong with voting for something that we support? And did she have to use "own up" that carried such a negative connotation? It sounded like we committed some crimes of sort.

I tried to resolve the anger within by reasoning that perhaps she had a bad command of english or she might not mean what she really said.
When I was still thinking of other reasons to give her that benefit of doubt, I suddenly realized I'm so bo liao. Why do I bother to read so much into such matter when it doesn't benefit anything or anybody at all? Worse still, I'm creating a bad image of her. Most importantly, I could have used the time and energy on something better like mediating on God's words. I mean with such intent interpretation over a trival statement made, I suppose I can gain more valuable truth from the bible.